Letting Go of Toxic Influences
Most of us have experienced the flu, and we know it comes from a virus. But we often forget there are energy viruses around that are toxic as well!
There's a certain dynamic between empaths and toxins that happens in relationships. Lots of us empaths stay in the grind of giving until we're overtaxed. Sensitive seem to have delicate boundaries, and more vulnerability to taking on energy from others.
What is this all about?
You would think finely tuned people are MORE capable of countering negative energy because they can perceive it, and see the energy vampires, the time wasters, and the abusers more easily than the rest of us.
Yet, time and time again, I notice that sensitive people, (whether extroverts or introverts) do NOT protect themselves effectively. Instead, they tend to be accumulators of energy, and accidental dumpsters for the negative waste from others. They are not immune. As the negativity circulates, sensitives don't seem to automatically get the signals that its time to let go of the energy we take on. Why is this?
It's all about training! We LEARN how to tolerate the toxic and become very good at surviving toxic people and things. If this is YOU, you've probably been doing this since childhood.
How did you cope with toxic elements growing up?
Empaths are often survivors and caretakers who have learned to use their energy to heal, clear, or tolerate toxic energies around them. The child who has to survive will find ways to take care of what's not hers in order to have a chance to live. You learn not to speak up, not to ruffle feathers, not to STAND for being treated well.
It becomes a habit, then, for sensitives to NOT CONSCIOUSLY RECOGNIZE when someone or something is actually BAD for them. In fact, they become numb to that awareness, and miss the warning signs, just like the proverbial frog heating up in hot water who won't recognize they're getting boiled until it's too late.
I recently heard of a sad situation in which an elderly mother was told by her daughter that the brothers in the family had attacked her while growing up. The mother couldn't believe it, and found herself in the middle of a family tragedy with no clear resolution. Bystanders wondered how this was going on under her own roof with her own family and remain unaware. Depending on our history, we can become numb to something we have become used to.
Do you recognize when someone is toxic?
WHO we find toxic varies, but the effects are the same. It can happen in the grocery line or with close friends, or work associates. What's important to notice is how it makes you feel. Toxic encounters feel diminishing, tiring, draining and leave you questioning yourself. They take you out of knowing your greatness.
Toxic people leave us off balance! Think of it this way: when you're standing on one foot, it's hard to "stand up" for yourself. This out-of-balance feeling is the basic dynamic in toxic encounters. Often this feeling is familiar. We experience similar dynamics until we change enough that that kind of toxic dynamic no longer fits.
Have you habituated yourself to toxic elements so you no longer recognize them for what they are?
Toxic emotional elements tend to be introduced to us in childhood so they "feel" normal and normal feels bad. But because we are used to the feeling of diminishment, we normalize it, and it ceases to shock us. We no longer have a warning bell that goes off and tells us this is inappropriate- I must stop this.
If we are around someone who is abusive, we will feel it's okay, acceptable, normal and tolerable, when in fact it is NONE of those things. Once someone's toxic behavior has become normalized, not only do you get unconscious about stopping it, you find other similar people coming around who match that same toxicity. After a while, you feel if this is what you "attract," you must deserve it.
Unless we are doing the work of awareness of our past, we can find ourselves continually allowing toxic types of interactions into our field of daily interaction. Friends, coworkers, lovers can turn out to be bad companions for us unless we set a new standard for our inner circle.
SIGNS it's Time for a Detox
* You're exhausted, drained, fatigued
* Nothing inspires you
* You're down on you, self-critical
* You feel heavy-hearted, sad, depressed
* Self-worth is low, self questioning is high (but with no solutions)
* You feel confused, rearranged, discombobulated, dissociated
* You blame yourself for some unfixable event in your present or past that still brings you pain.
Ways To Detox
-Train your awareness to notice the symptoms of a toxic encounter.
-Decide you are Number 1 in your own life and treat yourself as precious.
-Limit contact with toxic elements, people, and events.
-Establish uplifting relationships with people who you feel good around.
-Get professional support with a counselor your trust who can guide you out of toxic patterns and help you recognize who's good for you.
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